struggling with anger towards ex-husband

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Permalink Reply by David L Patterson on March 7, 2009 at 3:22pm

Hello, I too struggled with anger, not with my ex wife but with my mother over the same subject, i'm 61 yrs old now and i finally came to grip with my anger at yhe abuse me and my nine other brothers and sisters suffered , I to abused alcohol & drugs , I to felt anger toward my ex , but for different reasons, Now I understand why all that anger camr from the abuse I surreded as a child.
The one thing in my life that brought everything into plan view was the Serenity prayer, " God grant me the serenity to except the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the different ". Understanding that prayer and doing the principles will help you to change, God knows you or suffering , he gave you a mind , use it to make a choice, because only you knows what's best for you and your childrens,

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Permalink Reply by Kristen Kenney on March 7, 2009 at 3:29pm

Good day Jane!

Great FATHER, in JESUS NAME, I plead the Blood of JESUS upon Jane and her children. LORD GOD, You have seen Jane's struggles, and I plead for Your mercy and lovingkindness to intervene for them, Your great favor rest upon them as an impenetrable shield LORD GOD and give victory and peace! You dear LORD know all things and you know the spirits in operation that are trying to reek havoc against your daughter Jane and her children through her exhusband and other areas in their lives. Dear LORD, according to Ephesians 6:12, I ask for your forgiveness for Jane's exhusband and that you deliver him from the demons that are trying to control and destroy him and using him to hurt others as well and lend mercy to SAVE him! LORD GOD let Jane not be angry but let her keep the full armour of GOD on and let your peace abide in her, guide and lead Jane and her children in the way You would have them to go and give strength. Jane has done everything she knows to protect her children and only YOU can deliver and right this situation, Please send your mighty angelic host to help and to chase the enemy from their lives and fulfill your promises in Jane and her children's lives, as well as her exhusband! Thy will be done dear LORD GOD. To GOD be all glory forever! Amen.

Much love and prayerful blessings in the grace of our LORD JESUS CHRIST!
Kristen

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Permalink Reply by Kristen Kenney on March 7, 2009 at 4:04pm

With the LORD's mighty help you have everything at your disposal as your childrens' role model to guide and teach them truth, how to trust in the LORD and live holy lives pleasing to HIM, to instill in them who they are in CHRIST, to walk in love, to understand the right and wrongs of this situation, and to stay in forgiveness yet maintain healthy boundaries. Keep your eyes on the LORD, walk in love and have no fear, for there is torment and blindness in fear and truth and wisdom and victory in love! You know this my dear, the LORD loves you and HIS hand will give you victory! You have many people who love you and are praying for you! We serve a mighty and wonderful GOD Who sings songs of joy over you! Believe, be at peace and in everything, give praise and thanksgiving unto the LORD! GOD bless you exceeding above your expectations!

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Permalink Reply by Tammy on March 7, 2009 at 4:17pm

I will keep you and your children in my prayers. I will keep your ex-husband in my prayers also. I have been in a similar situation with someone that drinks a lot. God hears our prayers and He is a faithful father.

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Permalink Reply by Pearlofprice on March 9, 2009 at 11:07pm

This is so hard. I went through this very thing with my ex. Thankfully, he has been sober now for several years., but there is a lot of violence and ugliness in his..and our...past. Even though he is sober, he and my younger daughter are not speaking at the moment.

First, understand that forgiveness is a choice followed by actions that back that choice, followed by feelings much later. In other words, You make the decision to forgive your ex. Then, you act and react to your situation at all times (prayerfully) as though you have forgiven him. Your feelings will not immediately follow...especially if there are still things going on. But, believe me, eventually they will.

Second, understand that forgiving doesn't require that you put yourself or your children back in harm's way...emotionally or physically. While God wants us to forgive, He loves us and doesn't want us to be hurt. I know that the courts can be slow to enforce restrictions on parents...but nowadays for every truly abusive parent there's a vindictive one lying to keep the other away from the kids...so the courts err one way or the other, and it's never the way we need them to. Keep working within the system, but understand that God is your source of protection for your children. Put them in His hands when they are with their father. Pray for favor with the court system. God has promised you that in His word. His children walk in favor...remember that.

Third, a controlling person doesn't stop the manipulation when they leave your life. You have to stop doing the dance. Don't take the bait. God did not create you with free will for another person to take it from you. Ask Him to reveal to you in what ways he is still controlling your relationship, and ask Him to show you how to react differently. Dpn't say anything bad about your ex to your kids, but don't make excuses for him either. My mom used to really bash my dad after their divorce, so after mine I always said good things about my ex...but I erred with that when I started to make excuses to my kids for his behavior to minimize their hurt. One of the hardest things to stop doing in an alcoholic relationship is enabling the other person by swooping in to "fix" their messes. If his relationship with your children becomes broken, that's his fault, and his responsibility to address.

Finally, remember that although this kind of behavior can be damaging to a child, nothing is more powerful than your God. He cannot violate your husband's free will, but your prayers for your children are more powerful than anything negative he may do. And you have spiritual authority over your children. I have prayed for you and for the protection of your children. My final suggestion to you is that you find some form of support, whether it be a church group, an AL-Anon group, or just a group of friends who pray for one another's children so that you can heal. Your children can learn to heal from you if you can show them the way.

Blessings,

Tracy

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Permalink Reply by Jane on March 11, 2009 at 8:33am

thank you you for your support. I really appreciate it.

Tammy said:

I will keep you and your children in my prayers. I will keep your ex-husband in my prayers also. I have been in a similar situation with someone that drinks a lot. God hears our prayers and He is a faithful father.

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Permalink Reply by Jane on March 11, 2009 at 8:32am

Thank you very much for your support and words of advice. I realize that my ex is still controlling things and I need to stop allowing him to do this. I have faltered by saying some things to our children about their father, but usually just saying that he has a sickness, he is an alcoholic and doesn't mean what he says. I will need to pray more about this. I strayed from the Lord for awhile, but I'm finding my way back to what my beliefs.

Pearlofprice said:

This is so hard. I went through this very thing with my ex. Thankfully, he has been sober now for several years., but there is a lot of violence and ugliness in his..and our...past. Even though he is sober, he and my younger daughter are not speaking at the moment.

First, understand that forgiveness is a choice followed by actions that back that choice, followed by feelings much later. In other words, You make the decision to forgive your ex. Then, you act and react to your situation at all times (prayerfully) as though you have forgiven him. Your feelings will not immediately follow...especially if there are still things going on. But, believe me, eventually they will.

Second, understand that forgiving doesn't require that you put yourself or your children back in harm's way...emotionally or physically. While God wants us to forgive, He loves us and doesn't want us to be hurt. I know that the courts can be slow to enforce restrictions on parents...but nowadays for every truly abusive parent there's a vindictive one lying to keep the other away from the kids...so the courts err one way or the other, and it's never the way we need them to. Keep working within the system, but understand that God is your source of protection for your children. Put them in His hands when they are with their father. Pray for favor with the court system. God has promised you that in His word. His children walk in favor...remember that.

Third, a controlling person doesn't stop the manipulation when they leave your life. You have to stop doing the dance. Don't take the bait. God did not create you with free will for another person to take it from you. Ask Him to reveal to you in what ways he is still controlling your relationship, and ask Him to show you how to react differently. Dpn't say anything bad about your ex to your kids, but don't make excuses for him either. My mom used to really bash my dad after their divorce, so after mine I always said good things about my ex...but I erred with that when I started to make excuses to my kids for his behavior to minimize their hurt. One of the hardest things to stop doing in an alcoholic relationship is enabling the other person by swooping in to "fix" their messes. If his relationship with your children becomes broken, that's his fault, and his responsibility to address.

Finally, remember that although this kind of behavior can be damaging to a child, nothing is more powerful than your God. He cannot violate your husband's free will, but your prayers for your children are more powerful than anything negative he may do. And you have spiritual authority over your children. I have prayed for you and for the protection of your children. My final suggestion to you is that you find some form of support, whether it be a church group, an AL-Anon group, or just a group of friends who pray for one another's children so that you can heal. Your children can learn to heal from you if you can show them the way.

Blessings,

Tracy

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Permalink Reply by Jane on March 11, 2009 at 8:35am

Thank you for your support and advice. I will pray more about my situation and allow God to lead me in my interactions with my ex.

amalia said:

I agree with you Kristen. She should be her children's role model and she has us because we are praying with her and we love her.
One love in Christ,Jane!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Adekunle Olufemi Joseph on March 13, 2009 at 4:46am

My dear Sister Jane, thank God for all He has done however pls do not loose hope God will definitely touch my advice is that all your responsibility as wife od not fail in carrying them out ok and always pray for him - on my part will join you in prayer and the Almighty God will touch him. ok Feel free to send me mails to my box ok

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